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Advice from the source of all Haas wisdom

Last year I was in a relationship, so I never felt that I had the opportunity to really meet many of the guys in my class. Now that I’m back (not from outer space) for our second-year as a single and available woman, I’m interested in checking out my options. Knowing most of the second-years, I’m not so much interested … However, I have perused the first-year Facebook and have identified some potentials. How do I get their attention away from the cute girls in the first-year class?

Do not fret my cougar, er, my pet, there are always options to gain attention from unsuspecting first-years. You must first determine whether you are looking for a relationship or just “experiences.” First-year men tend to regress to sophomore-year college mentality, so if you are looking for a quick “pick-me-up” hookup, it’s easy – just keep buying/giving them drinks…offer to make sure that they will get to the next day’s 9:00 a.m. class on time. To ensure success, attend as many first-year functions as you can, even if it is questionable whether or not you are welcome.

Looking for a relationship

If you are looking for a relationship, the task is a bit more complicated. Your challenge, however, will be to avoid signs of desperation and over-available-ness. Instead, exude the confidence of a lioness, with an air of slight disinterest. Smile with your lips closed. Swing your mane. Pretend to forget his name. Drink wine. Preferably, red – it’s sexier. And wait until second semester to go in for the kill.

I just finished my internship in the only career that interested me and I hated it, now what?
Oh dear, this is serious. I would love to be able to tell you that there are a slew of opportunities waiting for you and paint a Rosy picture about the availability of jobs for people who change direction after their summer internship, but you need to realize the desperate nature of your situation. If you really spent all that time choosing the perfect career and are now back at square one, I have to question your basic decision making ability. More info. here

You might want to start looking at a career where you have minimal decision making responsibility such as fast food or politics. The layers of process and bureaucracy will insulate you from making similarly poor decisions in the future.
Just kidding! That is exactly what an internship is for silly. Finding out what you don’t want to do is sometimes even more valuable than confirming what you do like. There are plenty of jobs out there for a talented Haasie such as yourself. You will need to go have some heart-to-heart discussions with the CSO advising team, but I promise that you will be just fine.

As a first-year I am looking for a way to become as over-committed as possible. Any suggestions as to the best way to ensure I don’t see the light of day until next May?
When did you find time to write me? You should be reading a case right now or re-copying those notes you took in class. Don’t you have a group meeting or something?
Seriously, you should be signing-up for career events and company presentations. I imagine you have started practicing consulting interview cases and behavioral questions. You have, haven’t you?

Don’t tell me you haven’t contacted the leaders of clubs you are interested in joining!
Oh, and don’t forget all of the upcoming social events. From TNAG to BOW, and of course the weekends, it would be a shame if you didn’t fully take advantage of the social aspects of school. I mean, that is why you are here, right?
Oh, you asked how to be over-committed. I guess I just answered how to be a standard MBA student. Sorry.

I’m a first year. I’m confused and a little unsure how to behave around all of these rowdy people.
One question – did your mom fill out your application? What the f#%k did you think you were getting yourself into when you applied? Did the little old lady with the “School Crossing” sign and bright orange vest throw you in front of a car as a sick joke?
Pull yourself together, man. Kiss up to your professors (cry if you have to), bake cookies for your study group and don’t get caught between Leland and the keg at a consumption function. Oh yeah, and have your mom send me a check for $20 just for responding to your question. Relationship advice

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